Reason number five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred why you shouldn’t eat sugar: sometimes your sugar bombs come with company.
Let’s back up. Last weekend, the man and I went camping. And of course, we just haaaaaaaaad to pick up s’mooooooore fixings, because camping isn’t caaaaaaamping without s’moooooores. So we did and we s’mored and brought the leftover fixings home.
If you’re like me, you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that nothing will be right with the world unless you have something sweet to eat after dinner. Nothing! The world must. be. right. So Wednesday, I did one of these: Today kinda sucked. A marshmallow will make the world right. Okay, today didn’t suck that bad, but a marshmallow sounds reeeeeal goooood.
So I reached into the bag of leftover s’more fixings (which of coooooourse was still on the kitchen floor because why would you unpack even though it’s been five days since you were camping?). I got me a marshmallow. I took a bite of el marshmallow. And it was stale, no biggy…but it tasted reaaaaally bad. Why does this marshmallow taste SO BAD?? Okay, it kinda tastes good….wait…wait…..waaaaaaait. This marshmallow tastes bad.
You know women. Women have intuition. Women know what’s up before they need evidence. I knew what was up. But I still needed evidence. I removed el marshmallow from my mouth, and there it was.
A teeny little ant struggling for his life, kicking his little ant legs up in the air. Whhyyyyyy Julia, whhhhhyyyyy?? The ant shouted at me.
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were there! Finders, keepers, the marshmallow was rightfully yours…I don’t know why I had to go and take your marshmallow away from you and in so doing, mortally wound you, ant! I said.
Disgust. Disgust and spit and garbage disposal and guilt. Shame. Tail between my legs, I couldn’t help but think the divine heavens were sending me a message. Not only do marshmallows hurt you, Julia….they hurt your roommates. Duh. The divine heavens told me.
I have never been much of an insect killer…especially not with my mouth…so this situation was a bit traumatizing. Did I reach for another marshmallow? Nay. Did I reach for the chocolate in its stead? Yes. The message from the divine heavens was not heeded. Sugar was still consumed. Albeit, no more innocent bystanders were harmed.
What does this have to do with crispy cauliflower cakes? Nuttin’ honey!
I happened upon this recipe as I was flipping through the August Cooking Light. It spoke to me. The crispy cauliflower cakes look like crab cakes and I looooove crab cakes, so I made them. They taste maaaarvelous (although they do not taste like crab). You MUST make the sauce that goes with them, you MUST! It’s one of those sauces that makes you throw down everything you’re holding (ant-ridden marshmallows included) and sluuuuurp!
Had a rough day? Have cauliflower cake.
Recipe adapted from Cooking Light Crispy Cauliflower Cakes with Herb Sauce and Arugula Salad
Crispy Cauliflower Cakes with Yogurt Dipping Sauce
For the Crispy Cauliflower Cakes
- 2.5 cups cauliflower florets
- 1 russet potato quartered lengthwise
- 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
- ½ cup fontina or gruyere cheese shredded
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
- 1 large egg lightly beaten
- 3/4 cup gluten-free panko breadcrumbs
- 3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
For the Yogurt Dipping Sauce
- 1/2 cup plain yogurt
- 1 tablespoon green onion finely chopped
- Zest of 1 lemon
- 1 clove garlic minced
- Pinch of salt
To prepare the yogurt sauce
Mix all ingredients in a bowl and refrigerate until ready to serve.
To prepare the cauliflower cakes
Preheat the oven to 400?F.
Arrange the cauliflower florets and potato wedges on a baking sheet and drizzle them with olive oil. Bake for 35 minutes, stirring once half-way through. Cauliflower florets should be browned and potato wedges should be soft when poked with a fork. Leave the oven at 400 degrees
Add the roasted cauliflower and potato to a blender or food processor and pulse several times just until mixture is chunky but not smooth.
Pour the cauliflower/potato mixture into a mixing bowl along with the lightly beaten egg, fontina cheese, salt and pepper. Mix well to combine, then form patties out of the mixture
Pour the panko breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese onto a plate and mix together.
Dip the patties in the breadcrumbs/parmesan mixture to coat them.
Place patties on a well-oiled or parchment-lined baking sheet.
Bake cauliflower cakes for 25 minutes at 400 degrees, flipping them half-way through baking.
Serve with yogurt sauce on top.