One of my favorite activities is sweeping things under the rug (figuratively speaking, as I never ever literally sweep). And see how well I can get away with it.
If you find a peanut butter spoon stuck to a blanket, wedged between two of my couch cushions, which will most definitely happen if (and every time) you enter my house, I’ll hand you a beer in order to steer your attention away from the blatant display of my (slobby) peanut butter addiction. Shoooooop – under the rug. Hope you like your beer.
Other instances that should most definitely get swept under the rug include, but are not limited to, the following:
1.) Giving someone a box of truffles as a gift, and then eating said box of truffles. That needs to get swept pronto…and to do so may require a 6 pack or a handle of vodka.
2.) Finding out your dog barfed on the rug, and pretending you weren’t the first person to find the evidence. This may not work out well if the people you live with tend to sweep things under the rug, too.
3.) Falling down three flights of icy stairs in front of any sort of spectator of any age/species. The best way to edit – – – > undo this, is to insult whomever witnessed the fall. Sometimes effective sweeping requires passive aggressive behavior.
4.) Burning the skin on your holiday turkey. Sweeping this under the rug will require many, many leaves of garnish and potentially a can of paint. Mostly because it would take too much time to insult every person at your holiday feast (see example #3).
5.) Passing out during shavasana at the end of yoga class and waking up to the sound of your own snoring. I’m not sure this one can be swept under the rug, or even under the yoga mat. But if you figure out how to, you’re a ninja.
6.) Breaking someone’s favorite coffee mug. That hurts. You’re going to have to hide every ounce of evidence and wipe that guilty look off your face. You may want to replace the mug with one of those ones stuffed with chocolate, wrapped in holiday cheer, but at no point in time should you admit to your accidental wrongdoing, because that would defeat the purpose of this whole conversation.
7.) Telling your boss the TPS report he’s been nagging you about is already ready already, when it’s not. Hiding this may require an office fire, but if you’re lucky an asteroid will fall directly onto your computer, and no one will be harmed in the process.
8.) Shoving the mess that is your room into your closet on top of the boxes you never got around to unpacking. Along these same lines, hiding kitchen counter clutter in your oven. Both of these acts are extrememly effective, and no one will ever find you out, ever. Unless your company turns on your oven and they go into your closet looking for a blanket to snuff out your flaming kitchen clutter.
Aside from sweeping things under the rug, I also love to backpedal on my sweep by fessing up to the very thing I’m trying to hide before I even hide it. I swear, this makes sense in my brain.
In this case, it’s the salad. I was going to hide the fact that this is the second salad I have posted this week by not writing anything about it. I was going to sweep it under the rug. But instead, I’m admitting to my would-be deception before you unwillingly detox on account of all the salad you’re definitely eating, since you definitely make my recipes like all the time, yup.
Okay, I feel relieved. Now that I know I don’t have to write a lie and we’re all on the same page – that yes, this is the second kale salad I have shown you in one week – we can be on our merry way.
If you’re on my site (which you are), you probably love vegetables. And if you love vegetables, you have probably heard of Kiersten from Oh My Veggies.
Recently, Kiersten started an offshoot of her blog, called Potluck. This is where vegetarian food bloggers (+1 flexitarian food blogger – that’s me!) come together and share their recipes. We’re building a veggie-filled community over there at potluck, and you should totally get in on the action.
Make the conscious choice to embrace kale twice in one week. May you not fall down stairs, eat someone else’s box of truffles, or set kitchen clutter on fire in the process.
Head over to Potluck at Oh My Veggies to check out my Roasted Butternut Squash Kale Salad with Orange-Sage Dressing .